Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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