Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
