I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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