Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
