Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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