Cold hands, warm shart.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
