why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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