I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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