Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
