i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do vagina's smell?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He passed out mid-signature
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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