I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
