i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
