I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
