Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
