just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
