He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
