Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
