when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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