I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
