So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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