I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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