I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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