I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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