How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
