i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
