I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
