U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
