im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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