i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
splinters make it hard to masturbate
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
