There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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