Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
