Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
