"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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