your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
