how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
