i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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