I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
