I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
