im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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