So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
