you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
