she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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