I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
