that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
