somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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