you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
