Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
