You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize