if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
