You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were destined to go to rehab together
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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