I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize