We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
