I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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