On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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