my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
