i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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