she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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