So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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