This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
