Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
