We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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