I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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