bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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