She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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