her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
