Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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