Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
