For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
