she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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