i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize