yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
