I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
