everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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