new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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